King David said, “Your Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against you.” In other words, I want to memorize your word, not just so I know it in my head but so it gets into my heart, and I think about it and meditate on it, so that I won’t sin against you. Do you wish you knew more Bible verses? Like Pastor Darrell, he’s got massive amounts of the Old Testament memorized because he works at it a lot. If you want to be more like that, start with this verse.
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother
and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Write that on a card and stick it on your mirror or your car dashboard. The more we memorize and know, in terms of the word, then the more equipped we are to fight the battles. When the enemy starts putting those chains back on our shoulders, we can just throw them off - No, you’re not holding me on this one.
I found this Twitter hashtag #marriedpeopleissues - I don’t recommend you search it because you’ll find some inappropriate things - but here are some I found amusing:
I found this Twitter hashtag #marriedpeopleissues - I don’t recommend you search it because you’ll find some inappropriate things - but here are some I found amusing:
I asked the guys in our church what question men would want to ask their wives. Many of them asked, “Why can’t we ever be on time? Why are we always late?” There you go: because she’s spending time taking care of you!
The ladies laughed, the men are all like, “....Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny!”
I’m finding this doesn’t just apply to husbands - this also applies to teenagers!
If we don’t learn to laugh at ourselves, and the issues we have in marriage, if we’re not willing to admit that we have issues in marriage - when I asked last week who wants a better marriage, my wife’s hand was the first one up! - but who doesn’t want their marriage to be better? Part of that is communication, and not taking ourselves so seriously.
We’re focusing here on “shall leave” - that whole concept of leaving means you gain a wife. And in-laws. There are so many jokes about mothers-in-law, right? Dick Clark said, “behind every joke is a modicum of truth… have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?” I discovered there’s a whole website dedicated to mother-in-law jokes! It just went on and on, and since my mother-in-law may read this later, I’m not going to share them, but people have experiences completely the other direction. I have stories about my father-in-law. Love him to pieces, but he makes me laugh because he’s a complete goofball.
Do we laugh at ourselves in marriage? Or do we just get so frustrated. When the Bible talks about leaving one family, we’re also gaining a lot more. Who would consider themselves a child of the 80’s? Any 80’s TV show fans? Remember the show Family Ties?
If we don’t learn to laugh at ourselves, and the issues we have in marriage, if we’re not willing to admit that we have issues in marriage - when I asked last week who wants a better marriage, my wife’s hand was the first one up! - but who doesn’t want their marriage to be better? Part of that is communication, and not taking ourselves so seriously.
We’re focusing here on “shall leave” - that whole concept of leaving means you gain a wife. And in-laws. There are so many jokes about mothers-in-law, right? Dick Clark said, “behind every joke is a modicum of truth… have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?” I discovered there’s a whole website dedicated to mother-in-law jokes! It just went on and on, and since my mother-in-law may read this later, I’m not going to share them, but people have experiences completely the other direction. I have stories about my father-in-law. Love him to pieces, but he makes me laugh because he’s a complete goofball.
Do we laugh at ourselves in marriage? Or do we just get so frustrated. When the Bible talks about leaving one family, we’re also gaining a lot more. Who would consider themselves a child of the 80’s? Any 80’s TV show fans? Remember the show Family Ties?
What’s the big deal? Family is SO IMPORTANT. So many shows have been created, and have been huge hits, based on the comedy that happens in family, with in-laws, with kids who work together (or don’t!), with the dysfunction that happens… Family is something to be taken seriously - but not too seriously.
So we’re talking about the concept of transition, which means, when added with last week, “MATURITY GROWS AND LEADS TO INDEPENDENCE!!”
Most of you are waiting for me to make the joke about the 30-year-old guy who lives in his mom’s basement, but is just rocking at the X-Box. I’m going to bypass that joke because it’s way too obvious. There’s two really big types of relationships that we see in marriage.
So we’re talking about the concept of transition, which means, when added with last week, “MATURITY GROWS AND LEADS TO INDEPENDENCE!!”
Most of you are waiting for me to make the joke about the 30-year-old guy who lives in his mom’s basement, but is just rocking at the X-Box. I’m going to bypass that joke because it’s way too obvious. There’s two really big types of relationships that we see in marriage.
Types of relationships in marriage:
The parent-child relationship is the temporary one and there will be a “leaving.” Moms and Dads, that’s going to break your heart. You’re so attached to your kids that you can’t imagine them growing up and leaving. A few weeks ago Clay brought home this red folder that basically outlined the rest of his high school career, so Nici started thinking “My baby’s going to be a freshman!” I was like, “So what?” Then I started reading through it and thought, “How did this happen? How is my kid going to be in high school?” That’s why Facebook memories have become so popular! You’re looking back and thinking, “where did it all go?”
The husband-wife relationship is the permanent one—“what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). That includes children. Don’t let the child take control of the house, because then you’re teaching the child a generational thing that will happen in their marriage. I joke with my kids that when they’re 18 and graduate - You’re out. Get out. That’s hard to say because that’s coming up very soon! But then I think about the quiet, space, and clean house I’ll have...it might not be too bad!
Problems occur in family life when these two roles are reversed and the parent-child relationship is treated as the primary relationship. When an adult child has married and this parent-child relationship remains primary, the newly formed union is threatened. The union left behind is now on a really rocky soil, really frustrating. It becomes sometimes home-destroying. That’s why we see a spike in empty-nest divorces, because the parents have poured so much into the kids, and the parents forsook their own relationship in favor of their kids, so that they don’t even have a relationship anymore. They forgot to keep dating after they were married.
We must leave the family into which we were born in order to start another, new family. This must be done in spite of the fact that family relationships, ideally, are some of the most intimate there are. Children develop strong dependence upon and affection for their parents, but the problem is that parents also become dependent upon their children. This was true in the days of the New Testament as well. Yet when they described marriage, both Christ and Paul went back to Genesis 2, and they said that marriage means leaving your father and mother. Who was God talking to when he said, “The man shall leave his father and mother and...they shall become one flesh”? Adam and Eve. Why did he say this portion, when Adam and Eve had no parents? He was establishing the role for Adam and Eve as parents so their children could go on.
The husband-wife relationship is the permanent one—“what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). That includes children. Don’t let the child take control of the house, because then you’re teaching the child a generational thing that will happen in their marriage. I joke with my kids that when they’re 18 and graduate - You’re out. Get out. That’s hard to say because that’s coming up very soon! But then I think about the quiet, space, and clean house I’ll have...it might not be too bad!
Problems occur in family life when these two roles are reversed and the parent-child relationship is treated as the primary relationship. When an adult child has married and this parent-child relationship remains primary, the newly formed union is threatened. The union left behind is now on a really rocky soil, really frustrating. It becomes sometimes home-destroying. That’s why we see a spike in empty-nest divorces, because the parents have poured so much into the kids, and the parents forsook their own relationship in favor of their kids, so that they don’t even have a relationship anymore. They forgot to keep dating after they were married.
We must leave the family into which we were born in order to start another, new family. This must be done in spite of the fact that family relationships, ideally, are some of the most intimate there are. Children develop strong dependence upon and affection for their parents, but the problem is that parents also become dependent upon their children. This was true in the days of the New Testament as well. Yet when they described marriage, both Christ and Paul went back to Genesis 2, and they said that marriage means leaving your father and mother. Who was God talking to when he said, “The man shall leave his father and mother and...they shall become one flesh”? Adam and Eve. Why did he say this portion, when Adam and Eve had no parents? He was establishing the role for Adam and Eve as parents so their children could go on.
Priorities of relationships in marriage:
If a man can’t stand on his own feet and earn his own living and make decisions for himself, he’s not yet ready for marriage.
To “leave” speaks of the priority of marriage. It says that the task of parents is to get their children ready to leave the nest and find a Christian spouse. Mate to mate is a stronger commitment than children to parents or parents to children. We have two foster children in our home that we’re hoping to adopt, but we only have a year and a half to prepare the older girl to make it on her own. She’s of course always welcome to come back for advice and help, but she will be in college, needing to make her own relationship decisions, job decisions, and we’ve got to prepare her for that in just a year and a half! You ever tried drinking from a fire hose? That’s what she feels like right now. I’ve told her, “We love you! That’s why we’re doing this, to try to prepare you for what’s coming.”
We are not to understand by this that a man's obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relationship is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife. It’s a process of reordering your priorities so that it’s God first, my spouse second, period. If those two are right, everything else will fall out of that. You’re not going to fight each other, you’re going to fight FOR each other.
When young people are married, they should no longer feel dependent upon their parents. This doesn’t mean that parents may not help their married children when emergencies arise. If this is true with respect to one’s father and mother, it is also true with respect to other social relationships people have before they are married. They must leave their families and the old gang too – the Friday night out with the boys, and the Monday night out with the girls. You leave all that when you are married, and if that is a sacrifice you find hard to make then you are not ready for marriage.
Have you seen the movie “Failure to Launch”? I’m not really recommending it, because of the temptation it may provide your wife in seeing Matthew McConaughey in various states of undress, but it’s a movie about this to a T. It’s about a 30-year-old player who is going out on dates with all these women, but still living at home with his parents who are footing all the bills. And Sarah Jessica Parker’s job is to identify his issue, which is “failure to thrive” - an actual, real issue that impacts mostly men ages 19-28. Part of it is because of a lack of preparation from their parents, and partly a lack of responsibility on the part of the men. We cannot, as we mature, enter into this “failure to launch” where we become a recluse in our parents’ basement because we don’t know how to look for a career, study, work hard, but rather just want a job that pays our bills. There’s a difference between just getting a job that pays the bills and finding a career. There’s a difference between a girlfriend, a fiancée, and a wife. There’s a difference between these things, and if we don’t understand how to prioritize that and what it looks like, then we’re back at square one and need to mature.
To “leave” speaks of the priority of marriage. It says that the task of parents is to get their children ready to leave the nest and find a Christian spouse. Mate to mate is a stronger commitment than children to parents or parents to children. We have two foster children in our home that we’re hoping to adopt, but we only have a year and a half to prepare the older girl to make it on her own. She’s of course always welcome to come back for advice and help, but she will be in college, needing to make her own relationship decisions, job decisions, and we’ve got to prepare her for that in just a year and a half! You ever tried drinking from a fire hose? That’s what she feels like right now. I’ve told her, “We love you! That’s why we’re doing this, to try to prepare you for what’s coming.”
We are not to understand by this that a man's obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relationship is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife. It’s a process of reordering your priorities so that it’s God first, my spouse second, period. If those two are right, everything else will fall out of that. You’re not going to fight each other, you’re going to fight FOR each other.
When young people are married, they should no longer feel dependent upon their parents. This doesn’t mean that parents may not help their married children when emergencies arise. If this is true with respect to one’s father and mother, it is also true with respect to other social relationships people have before they are married. They must leave their families and the old gang too – the Friday night out with the boys, and the Monday night out with the girls. You leave all that when you are married, and if that is a sacrifice you find hard to make then you are not ready for marriage.
Have you seen the movie “Failure to Launch”? I’m not really recommending it, because of the temptation it may provide your wife in seeing Matthew McConaughey in various states of undress, but it’s a movie about this to a T. It’s about a 30-year-old player who is going out on dates with all these women, but still living at home with his parents who are footing all the bills. And Sarah Jessica Parker’s job is to identify his issue, which is “failure to thrive” - an actual, real issue that impacts mostly men ages 19-28. Part of it is because of a lack of preparation from their parents, and partly a lack of responsibility on the part of the men. We cannot, as we mature, enter into this “failure to launch” where we become a recluse in our parents’ basement because we don’t know how to look for a career, study, work hard, but rather just want a job that pays our bills. There’s a difference between just getting a job that pays the bills and finding a career. There’s a difference between a girlfriend, a fiancée, and a wife. There’s a difference between these things, and if we don’t understand how to prioritize that and what it looks like, then we’re back at square one and need to mature.
You will argue. How do you fight well so that it ends in reconciliation rather than bitterness?
-Decide if your spouse as committed a sin.
-Decide how you want to deal with the conflict. Fight, flight, or fright?
-Do not fight when either of you has any substances such as drugs or alcohol in you
-Before you fight, stop to pray, asking God to be in the midst of your fight.
-Do not use fighting with your spouse as your release valve or lightning rod
- -Sometimes a couple simply cannot come to an agreement...ask whether or not the issue is really worth holding your ground on. If so, seek outside authority.
- (Mark & Grace Driscoll, Real Marriage)
So we’re talking about 3 types of independence. How do we DO this? ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES!! Here are 3 areas of boundaries that should be present. Guys, this means you’ll have to talk a lot and share your feelings - and your feelings may not be right! You’ll have to share your opinions - and they may be wrong! She may tell you to go back and listen to what you just said, because you’re an idiot. She may have already thought about all this and analyzed it, and have an answer figured out. Trust me, I know.
Material Independence:
You PHYSICALLY move out…
One mistake I made before getting married was that I didn’t live on my own. My mom wasn’t able to take care of herself because of her MS, so I was taking care of the house. And come to think of it, we kicked her out because we kept the house and she moved. Hm. Anyway… There wasn’t a time that I was completely and fully responsible for everything on my own. I didn’t completely rely on myself if the house needed a roof, or the heating bill needed to be paid, or I had to buy my own food and clothes - I wasn’t to that point, and we had some issues early on in our marriage because of it. I still get razzed about that, because I grew up as an only child (my brothers lived with Dad, so I didn’t see them a whole lot) with a single mom. She worked in the evening, so I was on my own for most of my teenage years.
The running joke in our house is that I’ll go buy my favorite cereal - Fruit Loops - and when I want a bowl of Fruit Loops, I should be able to go get a bowl of Fruit Loops! Now there are 5 other people living in my house who all like Fruit Loops! Nici, when she moved into my house, was eating my Fruit Loops! It got to the point where I bought an extra box of Fruit Loops and hid them somewhere else!! Now, this was a problem because I wasn’t being completely honest. She still gives me a hard time about this, she’ll say, “Well what are you going to do, hide your cereal again?!”
That’s why it Paul quotes Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5, and goes on to say men need to love their wives as themselves. I wasn’t loving my wife as myself, because I was keeping my own box of Fruit Loops. Tip of the day: Don’t hide the Fruit Loops. I wasn’t transitioning well.
Monetary Independence:
Go out and get a job! If you’re young, still in school, and working for a career - do both! Don’t carry a load of debt into your marriage. I have student loans out the wazoo. Huge mistake for us. Some of you might as well. Work through school, pay for it yourself. It might take longer, but do it. You get a JOB and earn a living on your own, without depending on your weekly allowance for chores. I no longer need Mom and Dad, Grandpa and Grandma, Aunt and Uncle to chip in a couple hundred bucks now and then. You’re learning the value of a dollar, working on your own, earning your own way. Ladies, if he’s not supporting himself, red flags should be going up all over the place. Men, if she’s expecting you to do it all, I personally would have a red flag going up. A one-person income is difficult to live on. It can be done, but make sure you’re in agreement on that.
Mental Independence:
I need to leave my house physically (or in my case, kick my mom out), I need to leave my family monetarily, but my emotional dependence can carry a long way. If you are not emotionally capable of making that kind of break with the old way of life, you will face many problems. Every marriage counselor, every minister, everyone who deals with unhappy people whose marriages are collapsing will tell you that one of the most frequent reasons for the collapse is this: either husband or wife, or both, have never left home mentally and emotionally. Their old way of life is controlling them so much that it’s impacting their marriage now. They’re still tied to that. Family ties are tight, but if you do it right that’s a knot meant to be loosened by the parents as the children mature, so when you get to that point it just slides off. You love your kids, you support them, but they’re ready to be on their own. Most people tend to think marriage is simply rooming together in a relationship recognized by the law, while they continue living as before. Many marriages fail because the partners didn’t realize that they were supposed to be on their own.
So What?
Be independent WITH one another. Before Paul ever gets into “wives submit” and “husbands love”, he says “submit to each other out of love for Christ.” Some of you can’t submit to each other yet because you’re too busy submitting to Mom and Dad, or your own way of life, or something else you should have cut ties with long ago. Is it okay if your grown children get into financial trouble for the parents to help out? Absolutely. You never stop being their parent! But for a married couple to be completely dependent on that is a problem. Do you see the difference? Be independent with one another, not in dependence on your parents. That’s the key. That’s why 1 Peter 3:7 says “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.” Now in Jewish culture, it was normal for several generations to live together under one roof, and it was acceptable because the priorities of the relationships were still in place as they should be. It was normal for grandparents, parents, and new couples to all live together, but they were recognized as new, different, independent relationships. They still love each other, hang out together, have dinner with them, but they also focus on their own relationship. If this transition is going to go well, the husband and wife have to have gone through the process of maturing. So parents, stop treating your teenagers like 5-year-olds. My kids get so tired of hearing about their responsibilities, but that process is getting them ready for this! Nici and I are praying that their future spouses’ parents are doing the same, so they’re ready to make a firm, solid commitment and are ready to leave us. They’ll never get completely rid of me (they have to take care of me when I’m old, after all!)
Marriage is at times difficult, but it’s not that hard. It’s simple, but it’s not easy. Mentioned earlier that marriage is the priority relationship… it’s the most permanent, the most valuable, the most honorable. IF that’s the case, do we NOW see why Christ is referred to as a groom and us the bride? If this marriage - my marriage to Nici - is such a priority, and should be held in such high honor and esteem, if I should be doing everything in my power to help her succeed, to help her grow, and to help her become more like Christ, then how much more does Christ do that for you? We always want to run to Jesus when we screw up, but if we or our spouse screw up, are we there to offer forgiveness? Do we see how forgiving and loving Jesus really is and how much of a man he really is? How perfect are we? If we’re married to Jesus as the Church, we’re running around on him all the time. We’re still hiding the Fruit Loops. Do we see how critical, how permanent, valuable, and honorable our relationship to Christ is?
If you are not married yet, take note of this and be looking for these attributes in your spouse and building them in yourself. Parents, be praying for these in your children’s future mates, and be teaching these traits to them. If you’re married, pray for these things for your spouse and for yourself. 1-that they’re mature, and 2-that you work through this transition. If you have problems with your spouse, are you running straight to Mom? Complaining about him to somebody else, to your family, to your friends? It’s turning your family against him or her, turning your friends against him or her, jading their view. If you have issues with your spouse, be praying about it first, then seek Godly counsel, then talk with your spouse about it. If you’re not to that married portion and you’re dating, this is what it looks like. Have open and honest conversations sometimes, and that can hurt, but it’s for the good of the relationship as a whole. It’s teaching you how this maturing works in your life.
Material Independence:
You PHYSICALLY move out…
One mistake I made before getting married was that I didn’t live on my own. My mom wasn’t able to take care of herself because of her MS, so I was taking care of the house. And come to think of it, we kicked her out because we kept the house and she moved. Hm. Anyway… There wasn’t a time that I was completely and fully responsible for everything on my own. I didn’t completely rely on myself if the house needed a roof, or the heating bill needed to be paid, or I had to buy my own food and clothes - I wasn’t to that point, and we had some issues early on in our marriage because of it. I still get razzed about that, because I grew up as an only child (my brothers lived with Dad, so I didn’t see them a whole lot) with a single mom. She worked in the evening, so I was on my own for most of my teenage years.
The running joke in our house is that I’ll go buy my favorite cereal - Fruit Loops - and when I want a bowl of Fruit Loops, I should be able to go get a bowl of Fruit Loops! Now there are 5 other people living in my house who all like Fruit Loops! Nici, when she moved into my house, was eating my Fruit Loops! It got to the point where I bought an extra box of Fruit Loops and hid them somewhere else!! Now, this was a problem because I wasn’t being completely honest. She still gives me a hard time about this, she’ll say, “Well what are you going to do, hide your cereal again?!”
That’s why it Paul quotes Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5, and goes on to say men need to love their wives as themselves. I wasn’t loving my wife as myself, because I was keeping my own box of Fruit Loops. Tip of the day: Don’t hide the Fruit Loops. I wasn’t transitioning well.
Monetary Independence:
Go out and get a job! If you’re young, still in school, and working for a career - do both! Don’t carry a load of debt into your marriage. I have student loans out the wazoo. Huge mistake for us. Some of you might as well. Work through school, pay for it yourself. It might take longer, but do it. You get a JOB and earn a living on your own, without depending on your weekly allowance for chores. I no longer need Mom and Dad, Grandpa and Grandma, Aunt and Uncle to chip in a couple hundred bucks now and then. You’re learning the value of a dollar, working on your own, earning your own way. Ladies, if he’s not supporting himself, red flags should be going up all over the place. Men, if she’s expecting you to do it all, I personally would have a red flag going up. A one-person income is difficult to live on. It can be done, but make sure you’re in agreement on that.
Mental Independence:
I need to leave my house physically (or in my case, kick my mom out), I need to leave my family monetarily, but my emotional dependence can carry a long way. If you are not emotionally capable of making that kind of break with the old way of life, you will face many problems. Every marriage counselor, every minister, everyone who deals with unhappy people whose marriages are collapsing will tell you that one of the most frequent reasons for the collapse is this: either husband or wife, or both, have never left home mentally and emotionally. Their old way of life is controlling them so much that it’s impacting their marriage now. They’re still tied to that. Family ties are tight, but if you do it right that’s a knot meant to be loosened by the parents as the children mature, so when you get to that point it just slides off. You love your kids, you support them, but they’re ready to be on their own. Most people tend to think marriage is simply rooming together in a relationship recognized by the law, while they continue living as before. Many marriages fail because the partners didn’t realize that they were supposed to be on their own.
So What?
Be independent WITH one another. Before Paul ever gets into “wives submit” and “husbands love”, he says “submit to each other out of love for Christ.” Some of you can’t submit to each other yet because you’re too busy submitting to Mom and Dad, or your own way of life, or something else you should have cut ties with long ago. Is it okay if your grown children get into financial trouble for the parents to help out? Absolutely. You never stop being their parent! But for a married couple to be completely dependent on that is a problem. Do you see the difference? Be independent with one another, not in dependence on your parents. That’s the key. That’s why 1 Peter 3:7 says “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.” Now in Jewish culture, it was normal for several generations to live together under one roof, and it was acceptable because the priorities of the relationships were still in place as they should be. It was normal for grandparents, parents, and new couples to all live together, but they were recognized as new, different, independent relationships. They still love each other, hang out together, have dinner with them, but they also focus on their own relationship. If this transition is going to go well, the husband and wife have to have gone through the process of maturing. So parents, stop treating your teenagers like 5-year-olds. My kids get so tired of hearing about their responsibilities, but that process is getting them ready for this! Nici and I are praying that their future spouses’ parents are doing the same, so they’re ready to make a firm, solid commitment and are ready to leave us. They’ll never get completely rid of me (they have to take care of me when I’m old, after all!)
Marriage is at times difficult, but it’s not that hard. It’s simple, but it’s not easy. Mentioned earlier that marriage is the priority relationship… it’s the most permanent, the most valuable, the most honorable. IF that’s the case, do we NOW see why Christ is referred to as a groom and us the bride? If this marriage - my marriage to Nici - is such a priority, and should be held in such high honor and esteem, if I should be doing everything in my power to help her succeed, to help her grow, and to help her become more like Christ, then how much more does Christ do that for you? We always want to run to Jesus when we screw up, but if we or our spouse screw up, are we there to offer forgiveness? Do we see how forgiving and loving Jesus really is and how much of a man he really is? How perfect are we? If we’re married to Jesus as the Church, we’re running around on him all the time. We’re still hiding the Fruit Loops. Do we see how critical, how permanent, valuable, and honorable our relationship to Christ is?
If you are not married yet, take note of this and be looking for these attributes in your spouse and building them in yourself. Parents, be praying for these in your children’s future mates, and be teaching these traits to them. If you’re married, pray for these things for your spouse and for yourself. 1-that they’re mature, and 2-that you work through this transition. If you have problems with your spouse, are you running straight to Mom? Complaining about him to somebody else, to your family, to your friends? It’s turning your family against him or her, turning your friends against him or her, jading their view. If you have issues with your spouse, be praying about it first, then seek Godly counsel, then talk with your spouse about it. If you’re not to that married portion and you’re dating, this is what it looks like. Have open and honest conversations sometimes, and that can hurt, but it’s for the good of the relationship as a whole. It’s teaching you how this maturing works in your life.
“...to be the head of his home means to take responsibility for the well-being of his wife and children as much as Jesus Christ has taken responsibility for him...Being the responsible head does not mean that a man does everything in the family, but rather that everything gets done...when a man does accept the responsibilities God requires of him as the lovingly humble servant leader of his home, his wife and children flourish.”
(Mark & Grace Driscoll, Real Marriage p. 56-57)
I used to have a boat, and loved time on the water, I could fish or pull skiers, it was great. Well Nici and I were friends for a long time before we even started dating, so we went out on the boat, first time launching it, just the two of us. We’d borrowed her dad’s truck, pulled down to back the boat into the water. I told her to get into the boat, but we didn’t know if the boat would actually start because it was an older boat, but I said it would be tied to the trailer and I would push her off. The boat didn’t start. I lost the rope. She was just floating out there. I said not to worry, I’d go park and come back and help her. I didn’t think any big deal, but she said later that she’d been in so many relationships, and known so many guys, who would have just completely lost it at that point, yelling and throwing a fit because of the situation, blaming her, losing their cool. But she said that because I just stayed calm and talked through it, it really stuck with her.
Shouldn’t every relationship be like that? Shouldn’t we as men be humble enough to say, “I don’t know what I’m doing. Let’s just figure this out! I think it goes like this…” In that moment of humility, that’s where the relationship and trust deepens and makes relationships really cool. It’s not acting like you’ve got it all figured out, it’s going through a bumpy, roller coaster of a relationship TOGETHER.
Christ is that way in our relationship with us. You’re not perfect, don’t even try to be, rely on him and be thankful that he’s going to forgive you every time you need it. Every time you “whore around” on him, he’s going to welcome you back. That’s amazing.
Shouldn’t every relationship be like that? Shouldn’t we as men be humble enough to say, “I don’t know what I’m doing. Let’s just figure this out! I think it goes like this…” In that moment of humility, that’s where the relationship and trust deepens and makes relationships really cool. It’s not acting like you’ve got it all figured out, it’s going through a bumpy, roller coaster of a relationship TOGETHER.
Christ is that way in our relationship with us. You’re not perfect, don’t even try to be, rely on him and be thankful that he’s going to forgive you every time you need it. Every time you “whore around” on him, he’s going to welcome you back. That’s amazing.