The elders get together and talk and pray often. We talk about series, what we’ve done, ideas about what we could do next, what would hit home with a lot of us. As we were talking through maturity, and what that looks like, Darrell said, “I think I have something…” so go ahead and watch this video.
Welcome to the Greatest Verse on Marriage!! We're pulling apart Genesis 2:24 and focusing first on the phrase “A MAN,” which means “MATURITY!!”
Maturity is something that most men continue to struggle with. I have to keep my guard up about this whole maturity thing. Guys, you know what I’m saying because as soon as certain phrases are said you start snickering. For example, we hear that someone who has or is serving in the armed forces is going on active duty, and somewhere in the back of your mind you’re thinking, “He just said ‘doody’” right?! Am I the only one? Why won’t this ever go away?
This whole concept of maturity is not new to us. That’s why I asked for an informal survey of the ladies in our church, of what women are looking for in a husband. What makes you love and trust him, what do you need from him? These are the same characteristics these ladies should be seeing as they grow up, what they should be seeing in a father, this is what they should be looking for when they start dating. A couple of weeks ago I heard that one of the girls in our youth group brought home her new boyfriend, and no joke the dad really did have the gun lying on the table! (Teenagers - don’t date! No joke, don’t date. These boys aren’t mature and can’t handle this yet. They have a process to go through and stuff they need to learn.) These are the things you should be looking for, ladies, in a husband.
Maturity is something that most men continue to struggle with. I have to keep my guard up about this whole maturity thing. Guys, you know what I’m saying because as soon as certain phrases are said you start snickering. For example, we hear that someone who has or is serving in the armed forces is going on active duty, and somewhere in the back of your mind you’re thinking, “He just said ‘doody’” right?! Am I the only one? Why won’t this ever go away?
This whole concept of maturity is not new to us. That’s why I asked for an informal survey of the ladies in our church, of what women are looking for in a husband. What makes you love and trust him, what do you need from him? These are the same characteristics these ladies should be seeing as they grow up, what they should be seeing in a father, this is what they should be looking for when they start dating. A couple of weeks ago I heard that one of the girls in our youth group brought home her new boyfriend, and no joke the dad really did have the gun lying on the table! (Teenagers - don’t date! No joke, don’t date. These boys aren’t mature and can’t handle this yet. They have a process to go through and stuff they need to learn.) These are the things you should be looking for, ladies, in a husband.
Results of Survey – what women are looking for in a man/husband:
o Loves Jesus, Spiritual Leader of my home; GOOD COMMUNICATOR (Ephesians 5)
-I’m trusting you with everything, and need you to be the spiritual leader of my home.
-Guess what guys? You don’t get to determine if you’re a good communicator! She wears the referee shirt in this! If she says you’re not communicating well, you don’t get to say yes you are. Communication involves someone speaking and the other one able to understand. Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re communicating. You have to talk in a way that your wife understands - don’t just throw it out there and be done with it - I’m going to have questions and need to work through this together. Statistics say that women use more words per day than men, so at the end of the day - seriously ladies, he may be out of words. You’ve still got another 3-4 thousand words, and he’s on empty. So there’s a middle ground, but guys step up because the ladies need you to be a good communicator.
o Unconditional Love for Me / Our Family; enjoys life
-We know we’re not perfect. We know you’re not perfect. Love us anyway. We know the kids aren’t perfect, but there should never be a question about whether we love them.
-Don’t walk around irritated and frustrated all the time. Smile now and then! We know dads, there’s this whole concept #dadjokes - we know you have them. It’s okay if they’re corny so we can roll our eyes but know that dad’s goofy, and that lightens the house.
o Honest
-Don’t just give us part of the truth. We want to know what we’re dealing with. Give us the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Doesn’t matter what it is, we can work through it! It’s almost like these ladies are saying, we want to be your partner! You’ve got to give us all the information so we can work through it together. We know you’re going to screw up - but let us work through it with you! Instead of fighting WITH each other, let’s fight FOR each other.
o Helpful
-Help me with the kids. Guys, I don’t care if her job is working outside the home or if she is home with the kids, that’s a 24/7 deal. You don’t get to claim, “I just put in 50 hours at the shop and now I’ve got to come and deal with this?!” Yeah. Because she cleared 190 hours last week.
o Honors us (builds us up, respects us, helps us, encourages us, is gentle with us, compassionate, listens to us / attentive) – EPHESIANS 5
o Humble
-We get that you want to strut around in front of the mirror and admire yourself. Some of the best humor is directed at yourself instead of someone else. You can take it, you’re a man! Make yourself the butt of the joke and lighten everyone else up. Think of yourself less and her more.
o Hard working
-We know you work hard at your job. (If you don’t have a job, GET ONE!) God said, “Be fruitful and multiply” but he also said, “Go take care of everything I made” - BEFORE sin entered the world! Work is not the result of sin - human beings are the only beings on the face of the earth that in order to relax from work go find other work - we call it hobbies.
o Patient; forgiving
o Protects us; Protects my heart
-I get that we’ll have problems, we can work through that, but don’t attack me.
o LEADS US.
o Others – doesn’t get easily annoyed, helps with kids, 50/50 around the house, must love dogs, funny
o WHAT’S NOT THERE – spends time and money playing video games or on hobbies (fishing, golf, etc.), spends more time with his buddies and less with me, has rock-hard abs, looks like _______ (insert celebrity here)
-I’m very thankful there wasn’t anything about looks - I look a lot less like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and a lot more like Fozzy Bear. But if you’re standing in front of the mirror and trying to see if you’ve still got a six-pack, she doesn’t care. All these other things are so much more important - so much more critical to your marriage than you spending hours a day at the gym, hours a day on the golf course, hours a day on anything else - spend hours a day with her.
I made the mistake of playing a practical joke a few weeks ago on somebody who does not like practical jokes at all. I jacked him up badly. His first response was “I forgive you” and the second was this verse:
-I’m trusting you with everything, and need you to be the spiritual leader of my home.
-Guess what guys? You don’t get to determine if you’re a good communicator! She wears the referee shirt in this! If she says you’re not communicating well, you don’t get to say yes you are. Communication involves someone speaking and the other one able to understand. Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re communicating. You have to talk in a way that your wife understands - don’t just throw it out there and be done with it - I’m going to have questions and need to work through this together. Statistics say that women use more words per day than men, so at the end of the day - seriously ladies, he may be out of words. You’ve still got another 3-4 thousand words, and he’s on empty. So there’s a middle ground, but guys step up because the ladies need you to be a good communicator.
o Unconditional Love for Me / Our Family; enjoys life
-We know we’re not perfect. We know you’re not perfect. Love us anyway. We know the kids aren’t perfect, but there should never be a question about whether we love them.
-Don’t walk around irritated and frustrated all the time. Smile now and then! We know dads, there’s this whole concept #dadjokes - we know you have them. It’s okay if they’re corny so we can roll our eyes but know that dad’s goofy, and that lightens the house.
o Honest
-Don’t just give us part of the truth. We want to know what we’re dealing with. Give us the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Doesn’t matter what it is, we can work through it! It’s almost like these ladies are saying, we want to be your partner! You’ve got to give us all the information so we can work through it together. We know you’re going to screw up - but let us work through it with you! Instead of fighting WITH each other, let’s fight FOR each other.
o Helpful
-Help me with the kids. Guys, I don’t care if her job is working outside the home or if she is home with the kids, that’s a 24/7 deal. You don’t get to claim, “I just put in 50 hours at the shop and now I’ve got to come and deal with this?!” Yeah. Because she cleared 190 hours last week.
o Honors us (builds us up, respects us, helps us, encourages us, is gentle with us, compassionate, listens to us / attentive) – EPHESIANS 5
o Humble
-We get that you want to strut around in front of the mirror and admire yourself. Some of the best humor is directed at yourself instead of someone else. You can take it, you’re a man! Make yourself the butt of the joke and lighten everyone else up. Think of yourself less and her more.
o Hard working
-We know you work hard at your job. (If you don’t have a job, GET ONE!) God said, “Be fruitful and multiply” but he also said, “Go take care of everything I made” - BEFORE sin entered the world! Work is not the result of sin - human beings are the only beings on the face of the earth that in order to relax from work go find other work - we call it hobbies.
o Patient; forgiving
o Protects us; Protects my heart
-I get that we’ll have problems, we can work through that, but don’t attack me.
o LEADS US.
o Others – doesn’t get easily annoyed, helps with kids, 50/50 around the house, must love dogs, funny
o WHAT’S NOT THERE – spends time and money playing video games or on hobbies (fishing, golf, etc.), spends more time with his buddies and less with me, has rock-hard abs, looks like _______ (insert celebrity here)
-I’m very thankful there wasn’t anything about looks - I look a lot less like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and a lot more like Fozzy Bear. But if you’re standing in front of the mirror and trying to see if you’ve still got a six-pack, she doesn’t care. All these other things are so much more important - so much more critical to your marriage than you spending hours a day at the gym, hours a day on the golf course, hours a day on anything else - spend hours a day with her.
I made the mistake of playing a practical joke a few weeks ago on somebody who does not like practical jokes at all. I jacked him up badly. His first response was “I forgive you” and the second was this verse:
1 Cor. 13:11 “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
Too many men in this room and this society are still speaking and thinking and reasoning like a child, even though you have a full beard, a job, and kids, and everything else - you’re wishing you could be free of responsibility and bills and everything else and complaining about needing to go to work. So you just zone out and spend too much time focusing on other things. I didn’t say don’t go fishing, don’t play video games, don’t build the car in the garage, don’t go golfing - everybody needs a break from time to time. BUT don’t put those things higher on the list than her. And don’t put her on the list higher than Jesus. That’s where this maturity thing came from.
Why do you think Paul said this? There’s a reason this is at the end of the best chapter EVER that describes what LOVE looks like. Here’s what love isn’t and here’s what love is, and then went into this verse. I think he realized that men don’t love well. He understood and wanted to address it by telling men to grow up. That’s what he’s saying - grow up! It’s time to put some of this stuff behind you. We get that you’re still going to laugh at the word “doody” and you’re going to fart on your wife and laugh as you walk away - but let’s reduce the frequency.
Why do you think Paul said this? There’s a reason this is at the end of the best chapter EVER that describes what LOVE looks like. Here’s what love isn’t and here’s what love is, and then went into this verse. I think he realized that men don’t love well. He understood and wanted to address it by telling men to grow up. That’s what he’s saying - grow up! It’s time to put some of this stuff behind you. We get that you’re still going to laugh at the word “doody” and you’re going to fart on your wife and laugh as you walk away - but let’s reduce the frequency.
1 Cor. 16:13-14 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
Let all that you do be done in love.
Let all that you do be done in love.
Men get verse 13 - that’s why they suit up with pads and helmets and destroy each other over a piece of leather! But verse 14 throws a monkey wrench into everything. Let it be done in love! Love is patient, kind, not boastful, not envious, bears all things, endures all things, never ends. Let all you do be like that. Be strong, act like a man, and be like that.
Eph. 5:23-25 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
-That’s the love your wife is looking for. Girls, that’s what you should be looking for. One that is selfless. I don’t do this well, but it’s still true.
- What does Jesus’ love for the church look like?
– We stray on our Husband… and He stays.
-How do you, men, sacrifice your wants/needs/desires for the betterment of your wife and children?
- What does Jesus’ love for the church look like?
– We stray on our Husband… and He stays.
-How do you, men, sacrifice your wants/needs/desires for the betterment of your wife and children?
Eph 5:26 that he might sanctify her , having cleansed her
by the washing of water with the word,
by the washing of water with the word,
Jesus grows the church – are you helping your wife grow / achieve her dreams? If she gets a raise, a promotion, a great job - be proud of her! Don’t be jealous! If she’s making more money, be happy for her - dollars in a bank account should not threaten your masculinity! Encourage, support her to be the best she can be. Why? Because Jesus gave himself to make us the best we can be. She’s looking for that never-ending love from you! Men, you get what it is to screw up, fall down, make mistakes, and you’re looking for forgiveness from God and the person you hurt and want to get back up. Right? If she falls, don’t keep her down, don’t hold it over her head, pick her up lovingly, reassure her that you’ve got this, you forgive her, and you’ll go on together.
- Men are the pastors of the home… how’s that working? If you’re not in the Word, you can’t help her. If you don’t have the answers, you better start digging in because that’s where it’s at. That’s why we started with “Love Jesus”. If you were the pastor of a church - knowing all the stuff you struggle with, all your mistakes, everything else - would you attend that church? Because according to this, you’re the pastor of your home. And you’re expecting your wife and children to attend it. Welcome to humility. You don’t have it all figured out. Start digging in here, and meet with other men to figure it out together. Nobody has any problem taking 4-6 hours playing a round of golf, you should be able to find an hour to talk to some other guys about how to lead your family well. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping men be men. I’m far from having it figured out, but I’ve hung out in enough social areas to know that men are jacked up. The reason divorce rate is so high is because men aren’t being men. Men are being boys. I’m not judging you! I’m right there. I already failed this test. This morning! On the way to church! I’m not looking down on you - I’m a moron! I chewed out my whole family because I was frustrated with one kid! I pulled in the parking lot and had to apologize to my family. The bad part is I have a wife who says, “You’re getting ready to preach on this? Really??” That hurt. It’s true! But it hurt. We’re all in the same boat, just trying to figure this out together.
- Men are the pastors of the home… how’s that working? If you’re not in the Word, you can’t help her. If you don’t have the answers, you better start digging in because that’s where it’s at. That’s why we started with “Love Jesus”. If you were the pastor of a church - knowing all the stuff you struggle with, all your mistakes, everything else - would you attend that church? Because according to this, you’re the pastor of your home. And you’re expecting your wife and children to attend it. Welcome to humility. You don’t have it all figured out. Start digging in here, and meet with other men to figure it out together. Nobody has any problem taking 4-6 hours playing a round of golf, you should be able to find an hour to talk to some other guys about how to lead your family well. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping men be men. I’m far from having it figured out, but I’ve hung out in enough social areas to know that men are jacked up. The reason divorce rate is so high is because men aren’t being men. Men are being boys. I’m not judging you! I’m right there. I already failed this test. This morning! On the way to church! I’m not looking down on you - I’m a moron! I chewed out my whole family because I was frustrated with one kid! I pulled in the parking lot and had to apologize to my family. The bad part is I have a wife who says, “You’re getting ready to preach on this? Really??” That hurt. It’s true! But it hurt. We’re all in the same boat, just trying to figure this out together.
10 Traits of a Real Man (by Frank Powell on ChurchLeaders.com)
o Always treats all people with respect
o Honors / encourages / builds up his wife and friends
o NEVER leads women on – to get what he wants. RESPECT the feelings and dignity of women. (1 Tim 5:2)
o Works hard, but doesn’t chase a paycheck (don’t allow the “Almighty Dollar” to rule you, rather, use the dollars to honor the Almighty!)
o Never allows hobbies (OR MINISTRY!!!) to be more important than marriage and family. – don’t sacrifice quality time with God and family to nurture a hobby)
o Values PURITY – in thoughts, conversations, and relationships. PURSUE PURITY!!
(Save your thoughts, your desires for your wife. Don’t let looks linger, don’t let touches linger, don’t let anything linger - except with your wife! Wife, if he’s saving that for you - you don’t have a headache every night!)
o Has self-control – if someone else can force you to react, you’re not in control of yourself. (repeat) Self control (a strength of the Spirit in you) breeds a life with less regret and more stability.
o Find your strength in the Lord. Don’t look to society to find your identity, sense of worth, and strength!!! God hasn’t given YOU a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-CONTROL!!
o Celebrates the success of others – celebrate life with your wife, your kids, your family, and friends. Be happy for the success of others!!
o A real man is just as honest when no one is around as he is when the world is watching. In other words, BE CONSISTENT – in your walk with Jesus, your treatment of others, your thoughts, and your actions.
o IN OTHER WORDS, LEAD AS YOU ARE LED!!!
o Honors / encourages / builds up his wife and friends
o NEVER leads women on – to get what he wants. RESPECT the feelings and dignity of women. (1 Tim 5:2)
o Works hard, but doesn’t chase a paycheck (don’t allow the “Almighty Dollar” to rule you, rather, use the dollars to honor the Almighty!)
o Never allows hobbies (OR MINISTRY!!!) to be more important than marriage and family. – don’t sacrifice quality time with God and family to nurture a hobby)
o Values PURITY – in thoughts, conversations, and relationships. PURSUE PURITY!!
(Save your thoughts, your desires for your wife. Don’t let looks linger, don’t let touches linger, don’t let anything linger - except with your wife! Wife, if he’s saving that for you - you don’t have a headache every night!)
o Has self-control – if someone else can force you to react, you’re not in control of yourself. (repeat) Self control (a strength of the Spirit in you) breeds a life with less regret and more stability.
o Find your strength in the Lord. Don’t look to society to find your identity, sense of worth, and strength!!! God hasn’t given YOU a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-CONTROL!!
o Celebrates the success of others – celebrate life with your wife, your kids, your family, and friends. Be happy for the success of others!!
o A real man is just as honest when no one is around as he is when the world is watching. In other words, BE CONSISTENT – in your walk with Jesus, your treatment of others, your thoughts, and your actions.
o IN OTHER WORDS, LEAD AS YOU ARE LED!!!
I don’t know when this song came out, but when it was first released, Nici heard it and we had some of those blunt conversations because that was where we were at. I was just showing up, and not leading. That conversation sucked. But it got my head screwed on straight. Every time I hear that song, I start praying. Am I doing this right? No, I’m doing this wrong, I’m failing here, and I start repenting. I’m a mess. I’m not standing up here like I’ve got this all figured out. If you’re serious about wanting this to describe you - I don’t care if you’re 15 or 90 - but if you want to make the decision to be A MAN, to be MATURE, and you need to do this for yourself, your wife, you need to make this commitment now, I invite you to do that as this song plays.