Welcome to the Greatest Verse on Marriage – pulling apart Genesis 2:24 today, focused on “A NEW FAMILY” We’ve talked about how God’s design for a complete family is a husband and wife, that’s it. Children are not necessary for being a complete family!
If God brings you biological children, foster children, adopted children, that’s an added blessing that we’re going to discuss next. We’re going to talk about the phrase “holding fast” and what that means in a new family. How do we parent well? How do we raise our children well?
Before we get into that though...
Before we get into that though...
We all have #MarriedPeopleIssues, and it’s okay to laugh at them and enjoy marriage in all its inconsistencies. I asked kids in our church: What does the Bible say about children? Here are their answers: Obey your parents, don’t hurt each other, have faith like a child, shall not lie. The parents said: Spare the rod spoil the child, train up a child in the way he should go, do not exasperate your children. The Bible is full of how children and parents should relate. So much so, that we see God describe Himself as a Father and shows us what a Father should be. What does he do? He protected His children from those who hurt them, showed grace to His children even after they messed up over and over.
Even though we talked about this time of transition earlier, that doesn’t mean you stop honoring your parents. This complete family, this new family doesn’t mean you’ll never see or talk to your parents anymore! As long as our grandparents and parents are on the earth, we honor them. There’s no time limit on honoring your parents.
Jesus was a Master Storyteller. He quoted a lot of Scripture, but He told a lot of stories to explain those, and we’re going to get into a story here.
2 Sam. 18:33 – And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
David is weeping at the top of his voice about his son. Crying out, desperate in his loss. I was talking with my older son this week about life and death, and how we sometimes struggle with the idea of death. I told him one of the hardest deaths is when a parent has to bury their child. That’s never right, and that’s one that hurts the most, and that’s what we see here. David is shouting, weeping, tears flowing. Now who’s wondering about this story? Here’s a brief summary of David.
Even though we talked about this time of transition earlier, that doesn’t mean you stop honoring your parents. This complete family, this new family doesn’t mean you’ll never see or talk to your parents anymore! As long as our grandparents and parents are on the earth, we honor them. There’s no time limit on honoring your parents.
Jesus was a Master Storyteller. He quoted a lot of Scripture, but He told a lot of stories to explain those, and we’re going to get into a story here.
2 Sam. 18:33 – And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
David is weeping at the top of his voice about his son. Crying out, desperate in his loss. I was talking with my older son this week about life and death, and how we sometimes struggle with the idea of death. I told him one of the hardest deaths is when a parent has to bury their child. That’s never right, and that’s one that hurts the most, and that’s what we see here. David is shouting, weeping, tears flowing. Now who’s wondering about this story? Here’s a brief summary of David.
A Father’s Failure –
David’s rise to reign over Israel in their Golden Era is like a movie. He started out as a shepherd boy in a field, kind of rejected by his own family. When Samuel came to Jesse looking for the next king, Jesse brought in all of his sons - except one! He brought all of them in except one, who was way out in the field, who didn’t count, and Samuel said, “No, that’s the one!” You know any kids like that, who don’t seem to fit in, kind of outsiders? Kids, if that’s you, parents, if that’s you or your kid - be encouraged that God can use you!
Then David is anointed king, told that he will be king someday. Picture Simba in the Lion King - I just can’t wait to be king, right? He’s not king yet but he knows it’s coming.
Then he gains national fame from defeating Goliath. Goliath was 9 feet tall, his shield was as tall as most people and made of solid iron, crazy stuff. David killed him with a stone. Then David moved up through the military ranks in Saul’s army, and the people loved him. They praised him, turned their hearts toward him, and loved him. Then David was finally crowned King.
David was brilliant, courageous, undefeated in 18 wars, a genius of a poet, he had the power of a prophet, he was a HIGHLY skilled musician, was there anything he couldn’t do? The Bible describes him as a MAN AFTER GOD’S OWN HEART.
This guy was like Mr. Israel. He’d win Israel’s Got Talent. Even Simon Cowell would love him. That’s how good David was, a great saint, soldier, and statesmen.
What happened? How many parents have wondered that about their children? Where did we go wrong?
Then David is anointed king, told that he will be king someday. Picture Simba in the Lion King - I just can’t wait to be king, right? He’s not king yet but he knows it’s coming.
Then he gains national fame from defeating Goliath. Goliath was 9 feet tall, his shield was as tall as most people and made of solid iron, crazy stuff. David killed him with a stone. Then David moved up through the military ranks in Saul’s army, and the people loved him. They praised him, turned their hearts toward him, and loved him. Then David was finally crowned King.
David was brilliant, courageous, undefeated in 18 wars, a genius of a poet, he had the power of a prophet, he was a HIGHLY skilled musician, was there anything he couldn’t do? The Bible describes him as a MAN AFTER GOD’S OWN HEART.
This guy was like Mr. Israel. He’d win Israel’s Got Talent. Even Simon Cowell would love him. That’s how good David was, a great saint, soldier, and statesmen.
What happened? How many parents have wondered that about their children? Where did we go wrong?
A Role Model –
The story of Absalom is in 2 Sam. 13-19
The Bible describes him as one of the best looking guys to ever live. We’re talking Brad Pitt meets Matthew McConaughey, meets George Clooney, meets Sylvester Stallone, just imagine the best looking guy you’ve ever seen, and magnify that. That was Absalom, and he had GREAT hair… (2 Sam. 14:25) Absalom had no blemish in his looks, absolutely gorgeous. But he had some anger issues, pride issues, selfishness issues.
Absalom killed his half brother over the rape of his sister Tamar. I’ve said before that Hollywood doesn’t need to look any further than the Bible for story ideas! You don’t even need to add artistic creativity! Just go with this, it’ll blow everyone away! So after his half-brother raped his sister, Absalom planned this guy’s murder for two years. Two years of planning, of hate, of bitterness. Then after he killed him he fled to another country for 3 years. 2 Sam. 13:39 David longed to go see Absalom, but never did. Absalom killed his half-brother, ran away for 3 years, and David wanted to see him but never did. He never went to see his son.
Absalom returned to Jerusalem after 3 years, David was so glad to have him back...But David never saw Absalom. Absalom lived apart from David - inside the palace grounds but in his own house - and David still never saw him. Absalom started going out to the gates, meeting the people, and becoming very well-liked. He became a judge at the gate, helping the people.
After 40 years of doing this, drove his father out because he was establishing himself as king. He conned and lied to David’s men and turned them to himself. He did so much to take David’s throne that he actually slept with David’s wives and concubines in David’s own house. (“he stole the heart of the people” 2 Sam. 15:13)
David is on the run, Absalom has set himself up as king, and David has to go back to fight for his kingdom against his own son. Absalom is killed in battle… and David is DEVASTATED. Now if I told you David’s story, then Absalom’s story, what happened?
The Bible describes him as one of the best looking guys to ever live. We’re talking Brad Pitt meets Matthew McConaughey, meets George Clooney, meets Sylvester Stallone, just imagine the best looking guy you’ve ever seen, and magnify that. That was Absalom, and he had GREAT hair… (2 Sam. 14:25) Absalom had no blemish in his looks, absolutely gorgeous. But he had some anger issues, pride issues, selfishness issues.
Absalom killed his half brother over the rape of his sister Tamar. I’ve said before that Hollywood doesn’t need to look any further than the Bible for story ideas! You don’t even need to add artistic creativity! Just go with this, it’ll blow everyone away! So after his half-brother raped his sister, Absalom planned this guy’s murder for two years. Two years of planning, of hate, of bitterness. Then after he killed him he fled to another country for 3 years. 2 Sam. 13:39 David longed to go see Absalom, but never did. Absalom killed his half-brother, ran away for 3 years, and David wanted to see him but never did. He never went to see his son.
Absalom returned to Jerusalem after 3 years, David was so glad to have him back...But David never saw Absalom. Absalom lived apart from David - inside the palace grounds but in his own house - and David still never saw him. Absalom started going out to the gates, meeting the people, and becoming very well-liked. He became a judge at the gate, helping the people.
After 40 years of doing this, drove his father out because he was establishing himself as king. He conned and lied to David’s men and turned them to himself. He did so much to take David’s throne that he actually slept with David’s wives and concubines in David’s own house. (“he stole the heart of the people” 2 Sam. 15:13)
David is on the run, Absalom has set himself up as king, and David has to go back to fight for his kingdom against his own son. Absalom is killed in battle… and David is DEVASTATED. Now if I told you David’s story, then Absalom’s story, what happened?
Where did David fail?
Parents – your children will do what you do (it’s a Divine Spark that allows them to want to be like you). With all your sins, faults, issues, they still want to be like you! Teenagers even believe that, though they’ll never say it.
Absalom watched his father plot the murder of Uriah to cover up his adulterous relationship with Bathsheeba. He learned from David how to have sex with another man’s wife, then betray, deceive, and kill… and that’s EXACTLY what Absalom did. He took all of David’s sins and put them in the forefront.
David TALKED a good game, but he didn’t WALK a good game.
Parents – your intentions are not enough. Your words are not enough. Your ACTIONS will be what’s remembered. Intending to do good, intending to teach them is NOT enough.
Absalom watched his father plot the murder of Uriah to cover up his adulterous relationship with Bathsheeba. He learned from David how to have sex with another man’s wife, then betray, deceive, and kill… and that’s EXACTLY what Absalom did. He took all of David’s sins and put them in the forefront.
David TALKED a good game, but he didn’t WALK a good game.
Parents – your intentions are not enough. Your words are not enough. Your ACTIONS will be what’s remembered. Intending to do good, intending to teach them is NOT enough.
Success at a HIGH cost –
David recognized a great deal of success, but the cost was almost more than he could bear. Before David’s army set out to retake Jerusalem, David told his top 3 commanders “deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom” (2 Sam. 18:5) Deal gently with my son.
In that battle, 20,000 soldiers died as David retook Jerusalem. What was David’s response? 20,000 men? Is my son safe?? This was a bloodbath, and all David wanted to know was if his son was okay. IS ABSALOM SAFE? (2 Sam. 18:29)
When he heard of Absalom’s death, he wept so loudly from above the gates that the entire city heard it. (2 Sam. 18:33 – see starting verse) It was too late.
David built an army, a fortune (he went from being the guy that his family forgot to being able to donate $5 million to the temple at once), a nation, and a world-class empire, but he failed miserably at building a family. At this moment, when David heard of his son’s death, he would’ve traded every bar of gold and silver in the entire nation to get his son back and have a do-over. That haunted David for the rest of his life.
In that battle, 20,000 soldiers died as David retook Jerusalem. What was David’s response? 20,000 men? Is my son safe?? This was a bloodbath, and all David wanted to know was if his son was okay. IS ABSALOM SAFE? (2 Sam. 18:29)
When he heard of Absalom’s death, he wept so loudly from above the gates that the entire city heard it. (2 Sam. 18:33 – see starting verse) It was too late.
David built an army, a fortune (he went from being the guy that his family forgot to being able to donate $5 million to the temple at once), a nation, and a world-class empire, but he failed miserably at building a family. At this moment, when David heard of his son’s death, he would’ve traded every bar of gold and silver in the entire nation to get his son back and have a do-over. That haunted David for the rest of his life.
Haunted by Success and Busyness
Some mistakes can be corrected; but if you fail to deal with mistakes and sin with your child, sometimes there is no do-over.
Had David been a Godly husband and father, maybe all of this would have been completely different. Maybe his son would have been with him in the palace, not lying in a ditch covered with a pile of stones. Prettiest guy to ever walk around, buried like a dog on the side of the road.
David was too busy with Bathsheeba, the affairs of the state, the army, the girlfriends… but he wasn’t too busy to weep with a broken heart.
David gave Absalom everything he could have wanted, he had money, he had friends and followers, horses, chariots, he wanted for nothing… except a father. He employed two VERY effective methods of child abuse – a bad example and total neglect… You put those two things together, and that kid - except for the grace of God - has no chance at all.
Had David been a Godly husband and father, maybe all of this would have been completely different. Maybe his son would have been with him in the palace, not lying in a ditch covered with a pile of stones. Prettiest guy to ever walk around, buried like a dog on the side of the road.
David was too busy with Bathsheeba, the affairs of the state, the army, the girlfriends… but he wasn’t too busy to weep with a broken heart.
David gave Absalom everything he could have wanted, he had money, he had friends and followers, horses, chariots, he wanted for nothing… except a father. He employed two VERY effective methods of child abuse – a bad example and total neglect… You put those two things together, and that kid - except for the grace of God - has no chance at all.
So What?
If you are raising or influencing children, then this is for you. Your kids are going to mess up, they’re going to sin. You cannot die for your son or your daughter to be saved – JESUS ALREADY DID THAT. Stop trying to find a way to take it from them, Jesus already did! BUT, you can LIVE FOR THEM. I recently watched a video link about a guy who grew up in an upper-middle class home. The dad had multiple doctoral degrees, the mom had a great job, but this guy grew up with a secret. He was a secretly practicing homosexual, and was keeping that from his parents, but when he was on his own he cut loose. He was arrested for dealing massive amounts of drugs, he became HIV+ because of his immorality, and he thought his parents would completely reject him because of his mistakes. Every time he talked to his parents though, they said, “We love you.” They became Christians and were convicted that they just needed to love him, his mom fasted and prayed for him regularly. By the grace of God, he came to the Lord while in prison, and he’s now sharing with thousands of people how God completely changed his life. He said that through all of this, he was wondering, “What are my parents thinking?” And now he tells parents, “Who thinks that at some point you have failed your children? Because of what they’re doing or going through. He said your job is to not raise Godly children!” Does that sit weird with you? I’m a pastor, and telling you your job is not to raise Godly children! But here’s your job: Your job is to be a Godly parent. That’s it. You can’t control everything your kids do, they have free will and will make their own choices. Your job is to be a Godly parent.
Shut the TV off; put the phone and social media down; INVEST YOURSELF in your relationships, be involved in their interests. PRAY WITH THEM, pray over them, pray for them. Live Jesus out in front of them, instead of just showing up on Sunday live it out every day. Some of us are so busy trying to build our empire that our children are being left in the dust. SHOW THEM THE WAY.
Shut the TV off; put the phone and social media down; INVEST YOURSELF in your relationships, be involved in their interests. PRAY WITH THEM, pray over them, pray for them. Live Jesus out in front of them, instead of just showing up on Sunday live it out every day. Some of us are so busy trying to build our empire that our children are being left in the dust. SHOW THEM THE WAY.
Priorities –
Jesus: Spend time with Jesus in prayer, learning, worshiping!
Spouse: If you’re not together, or you’re struggling, then pray for them and carry on with your children. One of the major problems in marriage is selfishness. We’ve been counseling more marriages through this series than we have in almost the whole history of our church. Men, if you get your act together, 90% of her problems are going to go away. When you start serving her, you’ll see most of her issues disappear.
Children: There’s a reason God calls himself a Father. He has a loving heart, he guides, sacrifices, protects, gives us more than we could ever need or want. We’re more wealthy than 99.5% of the world’s population! We don’t really need for anything, and that’s all by the grace of God who gives generously and selflessly to his children.
Job: You have to provide for your family, but stop chasing your own dreams and start living out the love of a father that God shows you.
Ministry
IN THAT ORDER. Because if you don’t invest in your kids, pour into your kids, OTHER PEOPLE WILL! Do you trust them? Do you trust other people to teach your kids?
Spouse: If you’re not together, or you’re struggling, then pray for them and carry on with your children. One of the major problems in marriage is selfishness. We’ve been counseling more marriages through this series than we have in almost the whole history of our church. Men, if you get your act together, 90% of her problems are going to go away. When you start serving her, you’ll see most of her issues disappear.
Children: There’s a reason God calls himself a Father. He has a loving heart, he guides, sacrifices, protects, gives us more than we could ever need or want. We’re more wealthy than 99.5% of the world’s population! We don’t really need for anything, and that’s all by the grace of God who gives generously and selflessly to his children.
Job: You have to provide for your family, but stop chasing your own dreams and start living out the love of a father that God shows you.
Ministry
IN THAT ORDER. Because if you don’t invest in your kids, pour into your kids, OTHER PEOPLE WILL! Do you trust them? Do you trust other people to teach your kids?