We’ve talked about what it means to be a mature man, and what the transition into maturity looks like. Now we’re going to focus on the phrase “Father and Mother” and we’re going to see that this is God’s design for a complete family. “MATURITY GROWS AND LEADS TO A TRANSITION TO INDEPENDENCE PREPARING US FOR THE COMPLETE FAMILY!!”
Insert “child” instead of cat...ever been there? That’s my kid, he’s so cute, I’m so proud of him...then he messes something up.
Divine Design and Divine Differences…
let’s do the DESIGN before the DIFFERENCES:
God designed marriage and family, so we trust that His design is perfect. We not only have a divine design, but we have divine differences.
1 Peter 3:1-7 Likewise,
I don’t want to get into a full explanation, but in the previous chapter Peter has been talking about how we as Christians should behave in different areas of our lives: socially, with our employers, and so on. Now he says not only do you need to act this way out there, now he’s talking about how we need to act inside our houses. We all want to live in a house that looks nice outside - some neighborhoods get really picky about how our houses look on the outside - but what happens on the inside? Do you need warning before people come over? There are 6 people and 2 dogs in my house, it’s “lived in” and I wouldn’t change that for anything, but ladies tend to freak out if people are coming over, wanting things to be just right. Sadly, a lot of our marriages are the same way. We look decent on the outside, we build this really nice facade, but things are far different on the inside. Peter recognized that, because he was married!
wives, be subject
or “submissive” – I have a special guest who will be writing about this subject later
to your own husbands,
It doesn’t say to someone else’s husband, or to the fantasy you wish your husband was like.
so that even if some do not obey the Word,
They don’t follow Jesus, or if they claim to they’re not acting like it, and you can’t tell from watching them.
they may be won without a word
Ladies, you don’t have to talk so much. I’m not saying you do, but Peter said that for a reason.
by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external--
In order words, don’t paint the barn and get all fixed up on the outside but neglect the inside.
the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
Is that saying we shouldn’t get dressed up or wear makeup? Not at all. There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t let that be the only thing you do.
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
Ladies, that’s where it’s going to be. You can put on a show for your husband, for others, but if there’s nothing going on in your heart then you’ve got an issue.
with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
That’s a very interesting phrase, and one we don’t see often. In Proverbs, we get a list of things God hates - the first being pride - but now we see this, talking specifically to women, saying that this gentle and quiet spirit is very precious to God.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
Now I’m going to paraphrase here, “even when your husbands is a complete idiot.” And every lady has that thought running through her mind, “Mmmhmm!” Submit even then.
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.
Now don’t get all king’s English on your wife, insisting she call you “Lord.” But ladies, show him respect, even when he’s making ridiculous decisions.
And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
How many of you have situations in your marriage that are frightening? Are you freaking out a little bit? Continue to show him respect. Why? Because he’s so good? No, because you love Jesus that much.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
Guys, who has women figured out? Me either. Ladies, we don’t get you. Still waters run deep, we do not understand everything running through your mind and heart. Remember the Seinfeld video? We aren’t thinking ANYTHING, so we’re completely lost trying to keep up with you! But Peter doesn’t give you any excuse. He says keep trying, keep learning, keep honoring.
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel
He’s not at all saying “inferior” but more precious or valuable… PRICELESS. Does anybody have, and it’s probably just me, but I’m trying to change some old eating habits and there’s this old nasty frying pan I use to make eggs every morning. I don’t take care of it, I throw it around. Peter’s saying, don’t treat her like an old frying pan! Treat her like a priceless vase from the Ming Dynasty. You go in a museum and see a 4-foot velvet rope around so you can’t even get close to it. Recognize the intrinsic value and pricelessness of your wife, because she is irreplaceable.
since they are heirs
Some translations say “co-heirs” showing equality vs superior/inferior
with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered
Wait, what?? Husbands, this phrase should be mind-blowing to you. That’s a HUGE statement! If you aren’t treating your wife like this, if she doesn’t recognize that this is how you feel about her, then guess where your prayers are going? No higher than the ceiling! Why do I feel like God’s not hearing me, and stuff’s not working? How are you treating your wife? That’s what he’s saying.
This model shows what God’s divine design for the family should look like:
I don’t want to get into a full explanation, but in the previous chapter Peter has been talking about how we as Christians should behave in different areas of our lives: socially, with our employers, and so on. Now he says not only do you need to act this way out there, now he’s talking about how we need to act inside our houses. We all want to live in a house that looks nice outside - some neighborhoods get really picky about how our houses look on the outside - but what happens on the inside? Do you need warning before people come over? There are 6 people and 2 dogs in my house, it’s “lived in” and I wouldn’t change that for anything, but ladies tend to freak out if people are coming over, wanting things to be just right. Sadly, a lot of our marriages are the same way. We look decent on the outside, we build this really nice facade, but things are far different on the inside. Peter recognized that, because he was married!
wives, be subject
or “submissive” – I have a special guest who will be writing about this subject later
to your own husbands,
It doesn’t say to someone else’s husband, or to the fantasy you wish your husband was like.
so that even if some do not obey the Word,
They don’t follow Jesus, or if they claim to they’re not acting like it, and you can’t tell from watching them.
they may be won without a word
Ladies, you don’t have to talk so much. I’m not saying you do, but Peter said that for a reason.
by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external--
In order words, don’t paint the barn and get all fixed up on the outside but neglect the inside.
the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
Is that saying we shouldn’t get dressed up or wear makeup? Not at all. There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t let that be the only thing you do.
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
Ladies, that’s where it’s going to be. You can put on a show for your husband, for others, but if there’s nothing going on in your heart then you’ve got an issue.
with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
That’s a very interesting phrase, and one we don’t see often. In Proverbs, we get a list of things God hates - the first being pride - but now we see this, talking specifically to women, saying that this gentle and quiet spirit is very precious to God.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
Now I’m going to paraphrase here, “even when your husbands is a complete idiot.” And every lady has that thought running through her mind, “Mmmhmm!” Submit even then.
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.
Now don’t get all king’s English on your wife, insisting she call you “Lord.” But ladies, show him respect, even when he’s making ridiculous decisions.
And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
How many of you have situations in your marriage that are frightening? Are you freaking out a little bit? Continue to show him respect. Why? Because he’s so good? No, because you love Jesus that much.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
Guys, who has women figured out? Me either. Ladies, we don’t get you. Still waters run deep, we do not understand everything running through your mind and heart. Remember the Seinfeld video? We aren’t thinking ANYTHING, so we’re completely lost trying to keep up with you! But Peter doesn’t give you any excuse. He says keep trying, keep learning, keep honoring.
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel
He’s not at all saying “inferior” but more precious or valuable… PRICELESS. Does anybody have, and it’s probably just me, but I’m trying to change some old eating habits and there’s this old nasty frying pan I use to make eggs every morning. I don’t take care of it, I throw it around. Peter’s saying, don’t treat her like an old frying pan! Treat her like a priceless vase from the Ming Dynasty. You go in a museum and see a 4-foot velvet rope around so you can’t even get close to it. Recognize the intrinsic value and pricelessness of your wife, because she is irreplaceable.
since they are heirs
Some translations say “co-heirs” showing equality vs superior/inferior
with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered
Wait, what?? Husbands, this phrase should be mind-blowing to you. That’s a HUGE statement! If you aren’t treating your wife like this, if she doesn’t recognize that this is how you feel about her, then guess where your prayers are going? No higher than the ceiling! Why do I feel like God’s not hearing me, and stuff’s not working? How are you treating your wife? That’s what he’s saying.
This model shows what God’s divine design for the family should look like:
Divine Design of the Wife:
Attitude of Submission
Don’t just be a doormat - that’s not it at all. This is about showing respect and honor (not necessarily to the person, because he can be a mess, but because you honor his position as husband) There are times we’ve had awesome presidents in our country, and times we’ve had not awesome presidents, but we need to still honor the office, pray for him, whether we agree with him or not. Wife, respect the position your husband is in, because one day Jesus is going to look him in the eye and ask how he lead, provided, and took care of his family. It’s going to fall straight on him, not on his wife. For some it’ll be an okay day, for others it’ll be a bad day. Offering your thoughts and opinions and providing help. He’s going to screw up a lot of decisions - don’t just watch him and then say “I told you so” - help him!
Adornment of Serenity
Who’s heard the phrase “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” - even the dog will run back outside! We’ve been there. There’s a lot of truth to that phrase, he’s talking about the peacefulness and calmness you bring to the house – contentment. “Godliness with contentment is great gain” – 1 Tim 6:6) Others (including kids) pick up on your heart, your mind, your attitude. You don’t even have to say anything, others can walk in the house and feel the tension.
Affirming Speech
Proverbs chapter 21 AND 25 say it’s better to live on the corner of the roof than inside with a nag – show respect and honor thru submission. Don’t nag him. If he says he’ll do it, don’t remind him every 6 months!
Now our picture says the wife’s job is to be a helper for her husband, raise Godly children, and submit to her husband. Do you see children mentioned anywhere in Genesis 2? No. We don’t see that. Here’s why: the family is complete with the husband and wife. Children are a blessing, but having children doesn’t mean you have a complete family and not having children doesn’t make you incomplete. If you’re married, that’s a complete family. Children are a bonus.
Don’t just be a doormat - that’s not it at all. This is about showing respect and honor (not necessarily to the person, because he can be a mess, but because you honor his position as husband) There are times we’ve had awesome presidents in our country, and times we’ve had not awesome presidents, but we need to still honor the office, pray for him, whether we agree with him or not. Wife, respect the position your husband is in, because one day Jesus is going to look him in the eye and ask how he lead, provided, and took care of his family. It’s going to fall straight on him, not on his wife. For some it’ll be an okay day, for others it’ll be a bad day. Offering your thoughts and opinions and providing help. He’s going to screw up a lot of decisions - don’t just watch him and then say “I told you so” - help him!
Adornment of Serenity
Who’s heard the phrase “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” - even the dog will run back outside! We’ve been there. There’s a lot of truth to that phrase, he’s talking about the peacefulness and calmness you bring to the house – contentment. “Godliness with contentment is great gain” – 1 Tim 6:6) Others (including kids) pick up on your heart, your mind, your attitude. You don’t even have to say anything, others can walk in the house and feel the tension.
Affirming Speech
Proverbs chapter 21 AND 25 say it’s better to live on the corner of the roof than inside with a nag – show respect and honor thru submission. Don’t nag him. If he says he’ll do it, don’t remind him every 6 months!
Now our picture says the wife’s job is to be a helper for her husband, raise Godly children, and submit to her husband. Do you see children mentioned anywhere in Genesis 2? No. We don’t see that. Here’s why: the family is complete with the husband and wife. Children are a blessing, but having children doesn’t mean you have a complete family and not having children doesn’t make you incomplete. If you’re married, that’s a complete family. Children are a bonus.
Divine Design of the Husband:
Provider in the Home
Here’s where a lot of guys get hung up: I’m out earning my paycheck, I’ve put in a 40-hour work week, when I get home I want my chair and drink and the remote, and leave me alone. Is that providing for your family? No. That’s only a part of it. Providing for physical needs is only a part of it, it’s the EMOTIONAL NEEDS (more coming on that in a minute). God said it was man’s job to work the Garden in Gen. 2:15, so work is not sin. Get a job and provide for your family.
Protector of the Home
God also said in Gen. 2:15 for man to not only WORK the garden, but KEEP IT.
Protect your home –
Physically - we have a gun in the house. We also have a pug, which I thought would help guard us, but after several years I realized he actually can’t bark. Sometimes he sounds like a cat, sometimes like a crying baby, but he can’t sound like a dog to save his life. So last fall we got another dog. This is a dog! His name is Aspen, and he’s 70 pounds of solid muscle. When he barks or growls, you know it. And the pug still rules the house, it’s weird. But Aspen helps protect the home - when I’m there, I can hear him growl when cars go by or when someone comes to the house. My home is physically protected.
Emotionally – if your wife is hurting, then YOU NEED TO STEP UP AND CHANGE SOMETHING!!! Especially if you’re the one causing the hurt! If you’re not, then you’re not protecting your home and you’re failing as a husband. Don’t know if she’s hurting? She’ll tell you. Women, make sure you tell him. Guys you can argue, but she gets to wear the referee shirt. She gets to decide if she’s hurt! You can’t say, “I didn’t hurt you!” If she says you did, then you did.
Pastor to the Home
Christ is responsible for the church (He laid down His own life to wash the sin from us), and the husband is responsible for the family by leading the family to know, love, and serve Jesus BY LEADING HIMSELF (being an example)…The husband is the pastor of the home! Men, if the home’s not going the direction you want, if your wife or kids aren’t loving Jesus the way you think they should, that part of that responsibility falls back on you. You are responsible to be a Godly parent and a Godly husband. You can’t control every decision, I get that, but how are you leading them? If you’re not leading them, then are you actually leading yourself to Jesus?
Those three things, if you’re doing them, show your wife that YOU LOVE HER.
Your wife will know if she’s loved, and she’ll tell you if she’s loved. She wears the ref jersey on this!
Practical Application – SO WHAT?? What do I do with this??
Here’s where a lot of guys get hung up: I’m out earning my paycheck, I’ve put in a 40-hour work week, when I get home I want my chair and drink and the remote, and leave me alone. Is that providing for your family? No. That’s only a part of it. Providing for physical needs is only a part of it, it’s the EMOTIONAL NEEDS (more coming on that in a minute). God said it was man’s job to work the Garden in Gen. 2:15, so work is not sin. Get a job and provide for your family.
Protector of the Home
God also said in Gen. 2:15 for man to not only WORK the garden, but KEEP IT.
Protect your home –
Physically - we have a gun in the house. We also have a pug, which I thought would help guard us, but after several years I realized he actually can’t bark. Sometimes he sounds like a cat, sometimes like a crying baby, but he can’t sound like a dog to save his life. So last fall we got another dog. This is a dog! His name is Aspen, and he’s 70 pounds of solid muscle. When he barks or growls, you know it. And the pug still rules the house, it’s weird. But Aspen helps protect the home - when I’m there, I can hear him growl when cars go by or when someone comes to the house. My home is physically protected.
Emotionally – if your wife is hurting, then YOU NEED TO STEP UP AND CHANGE SOMETHING!!! Especially if you’re the one causing the hurt! If you’re not, then you’re not protecting your home and you’re failing as a husband. Don’t know if she’s hurting? She’ll tell you. Women, make sure you tell him. Guys you can argue, but she gets to wear the referee shirt. She gets to decide if she’s hurt! You can’t say, “I didn’t hurt you!” If she says you did, then you did.
Pastor to the Home
Christ is responsible for the church (He laid down His own life to wash the sin from us), and the husband is responsible for the family by leading the family to know, love, and serve Jesus BY LEADING HIMSELF (being an example)…The husband is the pastor of the home! Men, if the home’s not going the direction you want, if your wife or kids aren’t loving Jesus the way you think they should, that part of that responsibility falls back on you. You are responsible to be a Godly parent and a Godly husband. You can’t control every decision, I get that, but how are you leading them? If you’re not leading them, then are you actually leading yourself to Jesus?
Those three things, if you’re doing them, show your wife that YOU LOVE HER.
Your wife will know if she’s loved, and she’ll tell you if she’s loved. She wears the ref jersey on this!
Practical Application – SO WHAT?? What do I do with this??
Divine Differences
Who is better – men or women?
Here’s the answer – YES. Men are infinitely superior to women at being a man. A woman is infinitely superior to men at being a woman.
Here’s the bottom line – a pastor has said, “God made us different so that He can make us one.”
Adam was BLOWN AWAY when he saw Eve because she was like him!! AND… because she wasn’t like him!!
God’s design for a complete family is one husband and one wife. That’s it. That’s complete right there.
Divine Differences – a study from Adrian Rogers:
Romantic and the Mechanic –
Man’s job was to keep the garden… work at it… fix it – there’s a hardness required there.
Woman’s job was to nurture and help raise the children, and care for the home – there’s a softness required there.
Women need the romance, so A WISE HUSBAND WILL ROMANCE HIS WIFE LONG BEFORE they get to the bedroom. There’s a book called “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” that talks about how the romance starts long before the physical act begins. A wise husband understands his wife needs to be romanced.
Men enjoy the physical views, so ladies, let him enjoy seeing you. Take that referee shirt I talked about earlier and turn it into a nightie!
Beauty and the Beast –
Men’s physical frame is generally stronger… they also have thicker skulls (according to some scientists – no surprise there).
Eve’s name means “life-giver” – women are nurturers, so God made her body to nurture, love, be gentle, and soft.
NOTE: Husband, your wife is delicate – treat her that way. Protect that delicacy.
A crystal Vase is weaker than a piece of iron, but it’s not inferior to iron. Just different.
Tortoise and the Hare –
Man, you’re like the rabbit – you have a lot more energy… BUT, she has a lot more durability. She’ll get tired when you don’t.
Woman, you may get tired before he does, but you have that “stick-to-itiveness” that will allow you to outlast him... he’ll want to give up and you’ll keep going.
Radar and the Computer –
Men act as a computer and analyze information in a certain way for a certain output.
Women act as a radar, analyzing the same information for the same output, BUT they take in ALL the surroundings as well for a better overall picture.
Men have tunnel vision, make a list, done. Women will say, but did you consider all these other variables? Trust her, she sees a lot of stuff that you won’t see.
Left brain = logic, reasoning, math; Right brain = feeling, emotion, etc.
Men use primarily the left; women use primarily BOTH… so, when you say he only has half a brain, you’re almost correct.
Lover and the Achiever –
Men want to fix. He wants admiration in his achievements
Women want to be loved, understood, and cherished.
SO, God says to husbands, LOVE your wives because that’s what they need, and to wives RESPECT your husbands…
BUT – HUSBANDS, BE WORTHY OF RESPECT. WIVES, MAKE YOURSELF LOVABLE. Whatever that means - ask him what makes you loveable. How do you know if you’re respecting your husband? Ask him. Men, if there are ways you want her to respect her, you have to talk to her about it. That requires conversation and vulnerability. 2 Timothy 1:7 says God has not given us a spirit of fear, and any time we enter into conversation even if you’ve been married 60 years, that there’s always fear that it might go badly. We have to be vulnerable, open ourselves up to feelings, and guys don’t do that well but Jesus has given us a spirit of power and love and self-control. How do I know if I’m loveable or respectable? Ask, and then shut up and listen for the answer. The more you focus on Jesus, the better things are going to get. I can promise you that. The closer you draw to God, the closer you will get to each other.
Here’s the answer – YES. Men are infinitely superior to women at being a man. A woman is infinitely superior to men at being a woman.
Here’s the bottom line – a pastor has said, “God made us different so that He can make us one.”
Adam was BLOWN AWAY when he saw Eve because she was like him!! AND… because she wasn’t like him!!
God’s design for a complete family is one husband and one wife. That’s it. That’s complete right there.
Divine Differences – a study from Adrian Rogers:
Romantic and the Mechanic –
Man’s job was to keep the garden… work at it… fix it – there’s a hardness required there.
Woman’s job was to nurture and help raise the children, and care for the home – there’s a softness required there.
Women need the romance, so A WISE HUSBAND WILL ROMANCE HIS WIFE LONG BEFORE they get to the bedroom. There’s a book called “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” that talks about how the romance starts long before the physical act begins. A wise husband understands his wife needs to be romanced.
Men enjoy the physical views, so ladies, let him enjoy seeing you. Take that referee shirt I talked about earlier and turn it into a nightie!
Beauty and the Beast –
Men’s physical frame is generally stronger… they also have thicker skulls (according to some scientists – no surprise there).
Eve’s name means “life-giver” – women are nurturers, so God made her body to nurture, love, be gentle, and soft.
NOTE: Husband, your wife is delicate – treat her that way. Protect that delicacy.
A crystal Vase is weaker than a piece of iron, but it’s not inferior to iron. Just different.
Tortoise and the Hare –
Man, you’re like the rabbit – you have a lot more energy… BUT, she has a lot more durability. She’ll get tired when you don’t.
Woman, you may get tired before he does, but you have that “stick-to-itiveness” that will allow you to outlast him... he’ll want to give up and you’ll keep going.
Radar and the Computer –
Men act as a computer and analyze information in a certain way for a certain output.
Women act as a radar, analyzing the same information for the same output, BUT they take in ALL the surroundings as well for a better overall picture.
Men have tunnel vision, make a list, done. Women will say, but did you consider all these other variables? Trust her, she sees a lot of stuff that you won’t see.
Left brain = logic, reasoning, math; Right brain = feeling, emotion, etc.
Men use primarily the left; women use primarily BOTH… so, when you say he only has half a brain, you’re almost correct.
Lover and the Achiever –
Men want to fix. He wants admiration in his achievements
Women want to be loved, understood, and cherished.
SO, God says to husbands, LOVE your wives because that’s what they need, and to wives RESPECT your husbands…
BUT – HUSBANDS, BE WORTHY OF RESPECT. WIVES, MAKE YOURSELF LOVABLE. Whatever that means - ask him what makes you loveable. How do you know if you’re respecting your husband? Ask him. Men, if there are ways you want her to respect her, you have to talk to her about it. That requires conversation and vulnerability. 2 Timothy 1:7 says God has not given us a spirit of fear, and any time we enter into conversation even if you’ve been married 60 years, that there’s always fear that it might go badly. We have to be vulnerable, open ourselves up to feelings, and guys don’t do that well but Jesus has given us a spirit of power and love and self-control. How do I know if I’m loveable or respectable? Ask, and then shut up and listen for the answer. The more you focus on Jesus, the better things are going to get. I can promise you that. The closer you draw to God, the closer you will get to each other.